A Sunny Reaction

May8

The weather in Connecticut is warming up, which makes me happy because I’m a summer baby, but the very source of my rejoice has been causing me some misery. I noticed that, the last couple of times I left the house and was in the sunlight for any period of time, any of my skin exposed to the sun turned slightly red, became very itchy, and slightly raised. On the second day, the skin stopped itching so much and became a little scaly. Since I’m still waiting to get into a new rheumatologist who can actually handle Lupus, I did some research on Lupus rashes.

I really don’t know which one it could be. It seems like it could possibly be the SCLE rash, because of the flakiness of mine, but without having a doctor look at it, I have no idea.

I’m hoping I can get into Yale or somewhere else soon. My GP’s office called me yesterday and let me know that Yale is full at the moment, for the next two months. They were going to get back to me about what else we could do. I’m very frustrated, and a little scared. From the research I’ve done, my disease is progressing and is possibly involving my kidneys. I hate sitting tight. Sigh.

How to Bring Your Lupus to a Concert

Apr17
Neil Fallon of Clutch, on April 15th, 2013, at Toad's Place in New Haven, CT

Neil Fallon of Clutch, on April 15th, 2013, at Toad’s Place in New Haven, CT

I danced at a concert last night. It hurt like hell, but I did it.

A few months ago, I bought Clutch tickets for my fiance and I. A few months ago, I wasn’t in a flareup, and was missing the days when we used to go to concerts without a second thought. These days, I have what I call “special concert needs.” I can’t stand for long periods of time, get tired very quickly, and—as I recently discovered at the movies—am sensitive to certain kinds of lights.

Last night, before we left the house, I half-jokingly asked Mike if there was anyone who would be willing to go with him at the last minute. My knees and hips already hurt, and I knew that there wouldn’t be much seating. Protector that he is, he told me he would completely understand if I stayed home, and said he didn’t want to see me in pain. But, true to my DNA, I stubbornly decided to go, knowing I’d probably regret it.

I went to change from my sweats into jeans, and found that my joints were too swollen for the non-stretchy denim. It already seemed like I was going to have a terrible night. I hated the thought of missing a band I really like, though. My autoimmune disease has already taken so much from me. Blinking back tears, I knew I needed to get dressed quickly if we were going to make it to the show on time. Suddenly, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

  • Wear comfortable clothing. I wore leggings and my Skechers boots. I also wore my new Genie Bra—big shout out to the ladies in the Lupus Warriors group on Facebook for recommending them to me—and a loose tee shirt. I had a mini dilemma because the weather is sort of in-between right now, but ended up wearing my black Columbia jacket, and was just fine walking around downtown New Haven.
  • Take painkillers to preempt the pain. I was already in pain (and probably should have taken something sooner), but took my Tramadol and Tylenol cocktail right before we left the house. As I’ve mentioned before, I really hate taking Tramadol when I’m outside of the house, because it pretty much turns me into a puddle, but I wasn’t driving. I was a little worried about having to stand while being on it, since I’m usually safe on my couch after taking it, but I ended up being just fine (if not a little happier than the rest of the crowd :wink: ).
  • Plan out seating. I got lucky and found a column to lean on for a bit, but lost it when I went outside with Mike so he could have a cigarette. (Yep, I’ve officially quit. I haven’t cheated in a week. :oops: ) A little later, I scored a chair at a table with another couple, but the place really started filling up and, believe it or not, there wasn’t enough room for me to sit. I gave up after a couple dozen people in a row walked by and smacked their legs on the arm of the chair, stepped on my feet, or slammed into my knees. I ended up pushing the chair all the way in and leaning on it.
  • Dance it out. I’m not going to lie. Dancing cost me dearly. I limped all the way back to the car, and when I got home, had to take another Tramadol and more Tylenol. But, while Clutch played, I felt a little like my old self: the girl who used to go to concerts all the time, the girl who used to live without pain. Plus, dancing helped me shift my weight from hip to hip without feeling like I looked like an old lady. :wink: It also gave me an excuse to wiggle around, since the annoying itching that is apparently also a Lupus thing kicked in again last night. (I’ll write about this at some point, but basically it feels like an all over body rash, like I’m having an allergic reaction to something, but there are no hives or visible marks. It’s unnerving and makes me crazy.) There is something to be said for dancing. It boosts the happy brain cells in your noggin, and helps you cope with the pain in a way.

While I won’t be going to another concert any time soon, I had a blast seeing Clutch. They were great live, I got to spend some time with Mike, and I got in touch with who I still am. Lupus can’t take that away from me.

How do you continue to do the things you love?

Hair Tales

Apr12
I finally got my hair back.

I finally got my hair back.

After taking Biotin for like three months with seemingly no results, my hair is suddenly thicker, shinier, longer, and the bald spots I was rockin’ are now filling in. I am so happy. I know it’s terribly vain, but this seemingly little victory had made a huge difference in my self-esteem.

Because my hair is longer and thicker, I’ve “graduated” to the hair ties I used to use. (Previously, I was using super small ones because my hair was that thin.) I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was looking at my hair last night and saw how much it’s improved. I may or may not have cried. :oops:

It could also be because of the Plaquenil, which I’ve now been on for over fourth months. I haven’t noticed any difference in my joint pain or other symptoms, but I will take the healthy hair.

I win, Lupus. I win.

To counteract the acne that is caused by the progestin in my Mirena IUD and worsened by the Biotin*, I’ve been using a body wash with salicylic acid, and then applying witch hazel to the affected areas (my chest and across the top of my back). This has helped a lot.

♦♦

*I talked to my gynecologist about the acne and she told me the progestin was the cause of it, and the Biotin is making it worse. Talk to your doctor first, because everyone is different, but the body wash and witch hazel have helped me tons.

Movie Theater Lights and Lupus

Apr10

Last Friday night—oh, wait, that’s a Katy Perry song—I went to see Evil Dead with my fiance and brother-in-law. I’m a longtime fan of the franchise, and of Raimi and Campbell. Before that, we went to dinner. The whole thing was basically a celebration of my book release, and the signing and reading I was doing the next day. All day, as usual, I drank plenty of water. So, by the time we sat down in the movie theater, I was full and hydrated. It was also only about 10pm.

We were a few minutes early. I noticed that the overhead lights were bugging the crap out of me, but tried to ignore it. It’s happened to me at work before, with their fluorescent lights. I get an indescribable sense of discomfort. I feel extra tired, sluggish, and just… off. In the theater, though, I began feeling extra fatigued, and nausea quickly overwhelmed me. I tried to ignore it by shading my face with my hand, the way you would at the beach, but obviously I couldn’t sit like that the entire time.

When the lights dimmed for the movie, the feeling ebbed a little, but remained with me throughout the rest of the film. I felt utterly drained, and dangerously close to vomiting. I almost walked out several times, but kept trying to power through it. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. Like I said, I’ve never really experienced it before.

After the movie, I slowly exited the theater. I mentioned to Mike that I felt like I had sunburn on my face, too. The longer I was away from those lights, the better I felt. By the time we got home, I felt much better. I looked in the bathroom mirror and had Mike look, too, and discovered my cheeks were a little pink, right across my cheekbones, and had broken out in scaly bumps.

It was the strangest thing. I know, with Lupus, you can be sensitive to sunlight and different lighting, but I haven’t had a problem with it (outside of my minor issues at work). It was incredibly uncomfortable, and I’m in the process of figuring out what kind of lighting they use so I can avoid it in the future.

I still haven’t had any issues with sunlight, but I’m worried that’s next. I go to the movies—and this theater in particular—fairly often, and previously, I didn’t even have a problem with fluorescent lights.

I guess what I’m wondering is, has anyone else had a similar experience? Is sunlight the next step for me? Will I become a vampire? ;) It’s kind of ironic, considering I used to be super goth and avoided sunlight at all costs.

Any tips, thoughts, etc are appreciated!

Taking It as It Comes

Apr4

There was a hiccup in faxing my blood work and referral over to Yale, so I’m still waiting on an appointment. It’s just my luck. :P

I had a bit of a break from work this week. Hours are scarce, so I’m only scheduled two days. It’ll suck when I get my paycheck, but I got to catch up on things like laundry, R&R, and writing. I especially enjoyed the R&R. I’m working hard to be a full-time writer, so really needed the downtime, but also took advantage of the extra days off and finished the first draft of my next release.

Meanwhile, my flareup seems to be calming down a bit. I woke up super stiff and swollen, but last night got to take a break from the Tylenol and Tramadol I’ve been taking every night for a month straight because I wasn’t in much pain. It felt so nice to fall asleep without the pain. I have to work this evening, but it’s only a four-hour shift, which is doable for me. Hopefully this flareup will wind down soon and I can sock away some money toward my wedding, haha.

If not, I’m confident that my fiction is taking off. My first signing event is in two days (Saturday), I just received a royalty payment from Amazon, and should be receiving a couple more royalty payments by the end of the month. My biggest worry, with this illness, is making a living—but it’s pushed me to work harder toward building my career as an author. It’s an interesting dynamic.

I saw my gynecologist yesterday for my annual, and let her know that I most likely have Lupus. She added it to my chart, and we talked about my symptoms, then she said the words “high risk pregnancy.” She told me that, when the time comes, she’ll work closely with my rheumatologist to monitor me. I knew Lupus creates complications for pregnancy, but it was different hearing it from a doctor rather than reading it in an article, you know? Even though we’re not trying to get pregnant any time soon, Mike and I do want a family. It’s good to know that my gynecologist is willing to work with my other doctors, but I have to admit I’m a little worried for the future.

Still, it doesn’t help to wonder “what if…?” Instead, I’m just concentrating on getting my illness under control. I’ll take everything else as it comes.

5 Ways to Use Witch Hazel

Apr1

Witch HazelI’ve been wanting to do “healthy and beauty” posts ever since I started this blog, but I got entirely too intimidated by the idea of making this into a super-site slash ebook, so it just never happened. Now that I’ve decided to just write here whenever, there’s less pressure. Whoo-hoo!

I fell in love with witch hazel, all because Jess wrote a post on how she made her own baby wipes. It got my gears going and I remembered seeing bottles for witch hazel at Target for like $2. Witch hazel happens to be the key ingredient in wipes for hemorrhoids, which I go through like crazy. But, I’m all about dual purpose, and have discovered some other awesome uses for it!

The best thing about witch hazel, aside from its versatility, is that it’s colorless, has a light scent, and doesn’t hurt (too much) if you get it in your eyes. (Don’t ask. I tend to end up getting everything in my eyes. I once got rubbing alcohol in my eyes while putting drops in my ears, and I’ve gotten saline spray in my eyes while clearing my sinuses. It’s a special talent.) It’s true love!

What is witch hazel? It’s actually a shrub that is used in gardening and landscaping. It’s also an astringent, which means it shrinks pores and tissues. It’s gentle on the skin because it’s all natural, and can also be used medicinally. I use it for pretty much everything.

  • Makeup remover. Because it’s all natural, it’s easy on my skin, and pretty much makes makeup disappear. I hate wearing makeup mostly because I hate taking it off at night. I used to use vitamin E oil, but it was way too messy and had to be washed off after, anyway. With the witch hazel, I can just pour some onto a cotton pad (pictured above), and gently wipe my eyeshadow, foundation, eyeliner, and blush off. Easy!
  • Hemorrhoid wipes. I have GI issues that, although diagnosed as IBS, are probably because of my autoimmune disease. I get hemorroids almost all the time. I used to buy the expensive Preparation-H wipes and creams, then discovered that Target had their own version. Then I found out that witch hazel is the key ingredient, because it shrinks the hemorrhoids, so I just buy the super cheap, alcohol- and fragrance-free baby wipes now and add the witch hazel. Interestingly, my hemorrhoid problems have gotten much better!
  • Skin cleanser. Because it shrinks pores and tissues, witch hazel also makes a great skin cleanser, and has become my front line for fighting the acne that I can’t tell is because of my Lupus or because of the Biotin I take for my hair falling out. (It’s a chicken-or-egg kind of conundrum. Sigh!) I’ve only just started using this for my zits, but it seems to do the trick.
  • Get rid of dark circles. Now, I’m not sure if this is proven, but I’ve dabbed a little under my eyes and I swear it’s helped my baggy, dark circles. At the very least, it feels pretty damn good on my skin. Because of my autoimmune disease, I’m almost always exhausted. According to Wise Bread, it works because it shrinks the tissues. Score!
  • Heal dry skin. Since I started using it on my face, I’ve noticed that my skin is less confused about whether it wants to be dry or oily, and the normally dry parts are quite happy. Wise Bread also backs this up, so I’m thinking I’m not crazy!

Did I mention this stuff was like $2 for a bottle? A little goes a long way!

Now, I’m not a doctor or health practitioner, so make sure you check with your own doctor, do your own research, yadda, yadda, before you use witch hazel. :) However, I can attest to its many uses as a fellow patient, and highly recommend it!

Do you have any cool ways to use witch hazel? Have you discovered any super versatile products? Share in the comments!

The Long Lupus Road

Mar25

Today I was finally able to get in touch with someone at Yale Rheumatology. (Previously, I kept getting trapped in some weird answering service loop. Turns out Yale’s phone system is quite the web! I’m stubborn, though, and finally got through today.) I got their fax number, and my doctor’s office is going to send over my blood work and a referral. Hopefully I’m able to get in soon… but if I have to wait, I’ll (try to) be patient, and stay positive.

I often find myself watch Lupus videos or reading other people’s blogs. It’s comforting to learn about other people’s stories, though sometimes it can be quite frightening. For example, there’s this lovely lady out in the Midwest who has a pretty severe case. She’s even had chemotherapy and stem cell transplants. I’ve been following her story for years, but it’s hard sometimes because I’m slightly terrified that mine might end up that severe. Then I think about how strong she is, and am inspired.

I was watching this earlier and kind of started crying. Her story is so similar to mine. I also get angry and wonder why this is happening to me, but I do try to stay positive. I know it’s going to be a long road, and it could very well get harder. I could get worse. I’ve noticed that in the last six years, the joint pain has gotten more severe. In some ways, I’m used to it. In other ways, I’m having a harder time coping. For example, I have had to take Tramadol and Tylenol every night for at least two weeks now. I guess it’s safe to say I’m dependent on it… which is hard, because I never wanted to have to rely on it for pain relief. I wanted to tough it out with plain ol’ Tylenol, Icy Hot Arthritis, heat, ice packs, and even Aveda blue chamomile. But I’ve also realized that I can’t be Superwoman, and I deserve that relief so I can sleep.

Speaking of sleep, I hate the insomnia I get. I just have this complete sense of discomfort, aside from the joint pain. I don’t really know how to explain it. It just sucks. I also go through pillows like nobody’s business. I don’t understand; most people need to replace their pillow once every year, if that, but I always feel like I need a new one after about three months. I can’t win.

Other things I go through really quickly are bras and shoes, though I’ve pretty much got the shoe thing down. Skechers are my best friends. I bought a sports bra tonight at Target, but when I got home and tried it on, it was way too small. It’s by Barely There, and they have this weird S, M, L, XL sizing chart. According to the chart, I’m supposed to be a M, but I bet I’m actually a L, possibly an XL. They run really small, apparently. I hate, hate bras!

As much as I complain, though, I am very grateful. In some ways, this illness has pushed me to pursue my dreams even harder, if that makes sense. I have a tenacity for life and love that I never had before, and am working even harder to make my writing my full-time gig than I’ve ever worked in my life. Every day is a battle, but I have little triumphs that buoy me even on the hardest days. For example, getting through a shift at my part-time job is agony most of the time, but when it’s over, I feel proud of myself (and very sore and tired, but hey).

I know a lot of family and friends are worried about me, but I promise you all: I’m not going anywhere. While I was afraid that my disease might start attacking organs before I got diagnosed, that hasn’t happened, and I now have the opportunity to get top-notch health care at Yale. This is serious business! It’s going to be a long road, but I plan on giving Lupus a run for its money.

And the Results Are In…

Mar21

I’m sipping on ginger ale as I write this because that wonderful nausea is back. I think it has to do with my GI issues, though I also get nauseous when I’m tired (and I slept like crap last night). I hate ginger ale. It’s gross. Everyone thinks I’m weird because of this, but I’ve never liked it. I’m learning to love it, though, because for the past few weeks, Mike has run out to get me some more times than I can count.

I know I’m marrying the right man. ;)

I called my GP’s office yesterday morning to see if my blood work results were in. The receptionist I spoke with said they weren’t in yet, but I found myself strangely relaxed. At least I knew something, if that makes any sense. Not twenty minutes later, someone else from their office called me back, and told me she had my results.

She said everything came back fine, except my DS DNA antibody, which is one of the telltale signs of SLE, also known as Lupus. I’ve had a positive DS DNA antibody before, back when I first started seeing my PA at this office. That was the entire reason they sent me to a rheumatologist. The head doctor there said he thought I had Lupus. Unfortunately, the rheumatologist I saw either didn’t understand autoimmune diseases or was just too impatient, because the round of blood work she did came back completely normal. I’ve discovered in the last six years that, if I test during a flareup, things come back weird, but if I test when I feel good, my blood work is pretty normal. Since then, I’ve literally been through all rheumatologists in my immediate area… and I’m done.

Lupus keeps coming up, over and over. I am now considering this my diagnosis. The lady who gave me my test results said I should follow up with a rheumatologist. I explained to her that I was seeing Dr. T, but he brushed me off so I came back to my GP. She said she would talk to the RN I saw for my foot and see what she wanted to do. (Apparently Sarah was off yesterday, so the lady I talked to said she’d call me back after talking to her.) I haven’t heard back from them yet, but I’m not waiting. I’ve already started researching Yale rheumatologists who specialize in Lupus. My qualifications are:

  • understanding of autoimmune diseases
  • involvement with autoimmune and Lupus research
  • experience in diagnosing and treating Lupus

I am tired of playing games. This experience has opened my eyes. Although I now know my kidneys are fine, I worried for  a week that I could be seriously sick and wouldn’t even know it because I can’t seem to find a professional who will treat me. That’s been my biggest nightmare all along: that my autoimmune disease could start attacking organs and I wouldn’t be diagnosed until I ended up in the hospital.

I want to live. I also want my quality of life to be more than just circulating through doctors’ offices, struggling to get through everyday things, and worrying about whether I can keep a job because of my health.

Waiting: That Thing I’m Not Good At

Mar19
Headbands: my current go-to style for days I feel too crappy to do my hair.

Headbands: my current go-to style for days I feel too crappy to do my hair.

Sometimes I just need a pity party. I need to cry and wonder “Why me?” Then I pick myself back up and keep moving forward. As an indie author trying to build my career and quit my day job, I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. Sometimes, though, I need to.

Yesterday was one of those crappy days where I just couldn’t get comfortable, no matter what I did. I couldn’t wear a bra or a long-sleeved tee shirt. The back of my neck was stiff and sore, and my head kept tensing and pounding right at the center of my forehead. I slept poorly the night before because I just couldn’t get comfortable. My right foot refused to cooperate, and got worse after taking a twenty-minute shower. My hips and lower back decided to join the party about halfway through the day, and as the afternoon waned, the familiar nausea set in.

Every time I started to feel a little better yesterday, I almost immediately felt worse. I felt almost like I had the flu. I think, between this flareup and all the stress of waiting for my blood work results to come in, I’m making myself more ill. It’s a brutal cycle… but it stops now! I am focusing on taking care of me, even if that means letting some things go. I’m still dealing with the weird tension in my neck and forehead, but it will pass. I fluffed up my pillow in the dryer last night and that helped with the whole sleep thing!

I also found a tasty looking cookbook written by a young woman around my age who has Lupus, which caused kidney failure. She didn’t let that stop her, though, and turned it into something positive. She is now a full-time writer of low or no sodium recipes. I am picking up a copy of her cookbook ASAP (AKA Friday). I already wanted to cut down on my sodium because of my constant dry mouth and thirst, but being that I may have Lupus and it may be affecting my kidneys, it’s even more important for me to cut down. Besides, too much sodium isn’t good for you anyway. Win/win!

Here is a video of her low sodium recipe for burgers. If you know me, you know how much I love burgers. These look so freakin’ good—and I normally turn my nose up at “alternative” things like lamb or quinoa. I want to try to make these right now, haha.

Today was better than yesterday. I’m still in a lot of pain. My foot is still swollen. I’ve also realized that it’s not a joint that’s swollen. It’s literally a hard bump in the middle of my foot. Ice and rest help the most. Standing on it only aggravates the situation. Thank goodness I don’t work tomorrow!

I’m anxiously awaiting my blood work results. I tried calling my GP’s office this morning but only got a busy signal. I had to go to work, but tomorrow I’m off all day and will get in touch with them, even if I have to spend the whole day on the phone. I can’t stand waiting anymore. The results probably haven’t even come in yet, but I need to hear that from them, if that makes sense. I guess I just suck at this whole patience thing.

I am learning to take everything one thing at a time. I am learning to slow down and relax, rather than worry. Well, okay, the not worrying part is really hard, but I’m working on it!

The Swollen Foot Surprise

Mar17

I need to write about this, because it’s constantly weighing on my mind and I need to try to decompress.

So, I went to see my rheumatologist on Thursday, March 7th, and he wasn’t very thorough, or even all that nice. I spent that day kind of in a super depressed state, but by that evening yanked myself out of it and went into action mode (mostly thanks to my mom, who started looking through our health insurance website for another rheumatologist). I called first thing in the morning, but ended up in some weird answering service loop. I had to go to work, so ran out of time, but when I got home I called my GP’s office.

I got their after-hours answering machine, which was weird because it wasn’t quite 4:00 and they don’t close ’til five on Fridays. But I decided to call them first thing in the morning on Monday, mostly because my foot was still swollen and I really wanted someone to look at it. Dr. T, the rheumatologist, hadn’t so much as asked me to take off my socks.

I called my GP’s office first thing on Monday, March 11th. They squeezed me in for an appointment at noon with my PA, who I’ve been seeing for the last four or so years. She’s been really great and was the one who figured out that this seemingly crazy set of symptoms is something autoimmune. I always feel better after seeing her, even if I don’t physically feel better, if that makes sense. Unfortunately, when I arrived at the office, the receptionist informed me that there was a glitch in their scheduling and my PA wasn’t available. Since I was already there and had a sort of pressing issue, she asked if I would mind seeing the RN instead.

I was a little worried, because I’d have to explain the last six years of my health all over again — as if I were seeing a completely new doctor — before I could even show her my foot, and I had to be at work for 2pm. But I really wanted someone to look at my foot, so I said it was fine (even though I felt like a mess on the inside).

I’ve learned that it’s very important to be calm when seeing any healthcare practitioner. I’ve developed a bit of anxiety in the last six years, because I’ve dealt with all kinds of so-called professionals who treated me like a liar or crazy person, so I’m always really nervous when seeing someone new. But the RN who bounced in immediately put me at ease. She sort of reminded me of my high school self: kind of goth, with laced-up knee-high boots. She patiently listened to me, pulled up my previous blood work, and agreed that Dr. T hadn’t been very thorough. She looked at my feet and asked me some questions that no one had ever asked me before, and I’d never thought to mention to anyone, because they seemed stupid and unrelated to my autoimmune issues.

  • Are your feet always cold?
  • Do you always complain your cold when no one else is?
  • Do you feel like you pee a lot?

I answered “yes” to each question, but also told her that sometimes I have a hard time peeing. (In the past, I’ve had UTI-like symptoms… but urinalyses for bacteria usually come back normal.) She also asked me about the swelling. I told her it’s always just where my joint is, and sometimes it gets a little red, and I usually swell on and off throughout the day or flareup, in various joints. (For example, my knuckles, wrists, the base of my thumb, my ankles, etc.) I told her this was the first time I’ve been swollen to the point where it was really interfering with my life, and that I was having trouble walking.

She said all of my symptoms and past fluctuating blood work sounded like Lupus, and I agreed, and told her that Dr. M — the general practitioner my PA works under — thought it might be Lupus four or so years ago, which was why I started seeing various rheumatologists. The RN then explained that with Lupus, the disease starts attacking the kidneys, which causes extra protein to build up, which causes swelling. She said she would do a urinalysis right there in the office to check the levels of protein in my urine.

Fortunately, I really had to pee. Unfortunately, I know entirely too much about kidney diseases because my five-year-old godson has glomerulonephritis, and possibly other kidney diseases, which caused him to lose one kidney and he has continued to lose function in the remaining one. My best friend and I have seen firsthand what kidney disease can do. But in that moment, all I could think about was peeing and whether I’d be out of the office in time for work.

When I came back, a nurse dipped my urine right in front of me, and then the RN came in and read it after a few minutes. She said there was a small amount of protein in my urine, and then asked if I’ve ever had blood work while I had swelling. I wasn’t sure, because I’ve had so much blood work done in the last six years. She then asked if I could go get the blood work done immediately, because she wanted to check my kidney function.

I got a doctor’s note and immediately went to the blood work lab across town.

I’m still waiting on the results (and am hoping they’ll call me tomorrow with them). I’ve done a bit of research, because I’m like a moth drawn to light and can’t help myself. I’m in a support group on Facebook for people with Lupus, since that’s what it seems like I have, and several people have posted about kidney issues and Lupus nephritis. From the research I did, Lupus nephritis is pretty common in people with Lupus, and is actually now one of the ways doctors are diagnosing Lupus, believe it or not. (Lupus nephritis, by the way, is a kidney disease caused by the immune system attacking the kidneys. In autoimmune diseases, the body can’t tell healthy tissues from unhealthy tissues, and attacks itself. Lupus is notorious for kidney involvement.)

As nice as it would be to have a diagnosis, I’m freaked the fuck out. However, it would explain everything, so I’m not sure how to feel. All I can do is wait… and if you know me, you know I’m not the most patient person. I want to know now, dammit, so I can stop freaking out. I’m kind of scared, to be honest, and just want to know.